I think I'm Bipolar



I was watching this certain show and they were discussing Bipolarity. When they enumerated the symptoms, I became bit concerned since I also suffer most of what they have enumerated. So I hurriedly googled Bipolarity and landed on PubMed Health where Bipolarity was further explained. 

Here are some of the symptoms of Bipolarity from PubMed Health

  1. Little need for sleep - this is very accurate. I can survive a day with just 5 hours of sleep. This was very evident during my hectic schedule when I was in school. 
  2. Poor temper control - I get angry for the simplest of reason. When my niece is so loud, or being her spoiled self, I want to punch her in the face, but I don't, instead I just go straight to my room. There was one time, I was really irritated with my mouse, that I threw it on the wall and it broke into pieces.
  3. Spending sprees - I was surprised when this was on the list. I'm not really a shopaholic, but once I have the money, I can't help but spend it. Sometimes, I use my tuition fee to buy things, sorry Mom.
  4. Racing thoughts - especially at night, my thoughts are really, really wild.
  5. Fatigue or lack of energy - I never want to get out of my bed. Honestly, I don't go out of the house because I feel too tired to do so. 
  6. Feeling worthless, hopeless and guilt - this is very me. Especially now that I was not able to graduate. But even before that, I've always had these thoughts of worthlessness, sometimes, I even question my existence.
  7. Loss of self-esteem - I never want to be surrounded my so many people, I really don’t feel comfortable. When people whisper ad smile, I will always assume it’s about me.
  8. Thoughts of death and suicide - more than I can remember. I was also a cutter before.
  9. Trouble getting to sleep - I sleep at around 1 to 2 am. When things are worst, I lie awake in bed not realizing its already 4 am.
  10. Pulling away from friends and activities once enjoyed.
I get depressed very often, I think it’s obvious with some of my posts. Especially now that I'm going through a phase where I'm not sure what to do. There are times that I cry myself to sleep and wake up fine. I've been like this since high school but I never bothered thinking it’s just hormones and teen angst. It's just now that I thought about it, and what scared me more is that Bipolarity can lead to more serious problem like schizophrenia. I've been wanting to consult a professional before, but shrug it off thinking it will all go away. But now, I'm really concerned.  


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