The First Day of June




June please be good to me.

I took my love and I took it down. I climbed a mountain and I turned around. And I saw my reflection in a snow covered hills, 'til the landslide brought me down.

There's no denying that I am sad. Beyond sad. I haven't left the house in weeks, I haven't seen my friends in weeks, I haven't done anything productive in weeks. I haven't been myself for weeks. I guess I'm back again to that phase where I am too scared to face the future. Have you had that feeling? Like you just want to stay in the present? Have you ever been so scared that things might not go the way you want it to, that you tend to lock yourself, and force everything to stop. Just so things wont move, so that people wont change. I'm kinda feeling that right now. I want the now so much that I fear tomorrow will change it. I know change is inevitable but I'm trying to suppress it for a while. A lot of things have change, and I fear a lot of them will continue to change that I will one day wake up not recognizing them for the changes that happened. I'm scared.

Oh! Mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within me rise above? Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?

I know it's far too selfish to force things to stay the way they are, for I am denying them the chance to realize themselves, and fulfill their life's journey. I know I can't stay too for I will be depriving myself the chance to be better, the chance to fulfill my life's journey. One way or another, we must all move on, we must all take that step no matter how scared we are. Life is a cycle, it's a constant movement, it waits for one, and if I will be too scared to go with it, then I no longer have a life. I know all of this the fact that I am able to write it down. But why can't I be brave enough and go, why can't I lift my feet and start to walk? Why am I too scared to let go of things, of people, when they have already moved on. Why would you hold on to something that wants to be freed?

Well I've been afraid of changing, cause I've built my life around you. But time makes you older, even children get older. And I'm getting older too. 

Well I guess one way or another, I will have to move and take the step. Life has a funny way to make you do things. Maybe for now, I can still hold on to what I know, I can still dwell on what I think is now. The good thing about us humans: memories. For when the time comes that I have fulfilled what it is needed to be fulfilled, I could always look back, reminisce what used to be. Maybe I'll regret it, maybe I'll learn to accept it, but one thing's for sure, it happened. Once in my life I've had people and things that I loved, I've held on so dear. They loved me back, that I am sure. And in the end of it all, that is what's important, I am loved. 

2 comments:

  1. Aaaw I hope this comment can cheer you up even just a bit. Sometimes that kind of sadness come to us uninvited. Don't worry it'll leave soon I know you can shake that up :)

    Anyhoo good thing about you going out is you're having a good time with your blog and I'm enjoying it ha ha.

    Cheer up Gene xoxo

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Ate Balut. Definitely uninvited. Ewan ko ba,kulang lang siguro sa tulog haha. Thanks :)

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