6.10.19

My Nym Is An Acroname

Yes, guys! You read it right! I just realize the most profound realization in all of my recent realization thus far!

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You know what they say about names right? Its a reflection of the person. I made that up but its something to that effect. All I know is that they said something deep and meaningful that correlates people and their names. Anyway, back to me. So names, yeah. 

I have always thought my name is very common. Although I am somehow proud that in the two instances that I applied for an NBI clearance, there was no hit (Eugenes are kind people so it seems), I still think there is nothing special about my name. Well like always, it turns out I am wrong! Ain't that grand? I just realize that my name is actually an acronym of a deeper meaning. I was working earlier when I realized this. I know you all three readers are excited to know what the acronym is. So without further delays and segues because I hate running around the bush. Like if you have to say something to me, better say it straight or not all. I don't like running and beating around the bush because the bush did nothing wrong to you or to me so I don't see the point of beating and running. So here is my name's acronym:

E- veryday
U-nder
G-igantic and
E-phemeral
N-egativity on
E-verything


(Ugh! My mind!)

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Your name really says a lot about a person. Just look at that acronym then look at me; you would already know that I am someone basking in the glorious rays of pessimism and negativity! 

If you're asking if I am having a breakdown this hot afternoon? The answer is yes! You want to know what triggered this? Well, you're in for another treat honey! Grab whatever alcoholic beverage you can find near you, grab a bag of chips, or a bag of bread, and read ahead.

So I was working and trying to be productive (gotta earn that wage). In the middle of working between an Excel file and a bunch of unread emails, a question suddenly popped in my head:

What if this is it for you? WHAT IF THIS IS IT FOR YOU?

Have you asked this yourself? What if this is it for you. What if there is nowhere else to go but where you are currently? I don't how many of you have played an RPG where your choices in the same will impact how it ends. But what if my choices in the past lead me to this and caused me to be like this. I mean I know it did make an impact, that is not the problem.

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I remember when I was about to finally graduate from college; I was imaging the path I am going to take for sure. Then Momo land comes in Bam!-ed the shit out of my path. Just as I thought I was getting back better Jessie, Ariana, and Nikki Bang Bang-ed the shit out of my life. And now here I am: fat, poor, ugly and alone.

So yeah, what if this is it for me? On to next episode of my breakdown :) 

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9.8.19

I'm Feeling Some Type of Way

Have you ever felt like you're just average? You can do things, a lot of things; but you don't really excel at something. You can accomplish things but they are always average at best. You're not last, but you're never first either. While you are always part of things, you're never a priority. And sometimes, I feel like things will be just fine with or without me.


You're the jack of all trades, but a master of none. You're everyone's friend, but no one's favorite person. You exist, albeit insignificantly. 

If you're expecting this to be a pep talk and I will eventually say positive things, you're in the wrong blog honey. Things are about to get even darker, sadder. Let's get started.

What Started All This Dramarama

I was (still is, I guess) planning on creating Youtube channel/vlog. My friends and cousins have been egging me to do so. While I have been toying with the idea for a very long time, it never really came to fruition. But since Youtube and vlogging is becoming THE thing, I was finally convinced to go and try it. Not to mention it pays really, really well and God knows I need the extra money. I was also thinking that it will be good for my mental and emotional state. Considering all the things mentioned above, I was ready to take my brand of desolate, despondent, and capricious humor to the big screen.

The first thing I did was research. While I am familiar with how things on Youtube work, my knowledge is average (triggered) at best. So while watching videos on how to start a vlog, I came across a question THAT STARTED THISSSSssss1!!11!

What is your niche?

It's the same question I hated being asked when I started this blog and I started to network joined blogging communities (CBC WHERE YOU AT FAM!!!). Don'get met wrong, I understand the importance of finding your niche. I know how helpful it is to just really stick to something you know well. While I understand the benefits of it, I REFUSE TO BE PUT IN A BOX! I was in the middle of my coming out process and I was just really sensitive to things that restricts my freedom. Like, I just came out of the closet and now I have to be in a box, no wonder I am claustrophobic!

<heavy breathing>

Yeah, so I felt some type of way when I encountered that question in one the videos I watched. After feeling all the feelings, it got me thinking: what am I good at? And when I say I was triggered, bitch WAS REALLY TRIGGERED THE HOUSE DOWN BOOTS!

I started reflecting on the things I do best, my talents (if any), skills (if any), interesting hobbies (if any), or just anything that sets me apart from others (if any). And after a serious contemplation over bottles and bottles of Emperador Light, I realized, that I am an average person. And not the Marvel kind.

Which brings us to part two of this Pulitzer-worthy article on the absurdities of the human mind. This is chapter is called TRIGGERED.

I was at my 100% when I convinced myself that I should really start a Youtube vlog. But after being triggered I went down to about 60%. Still a sizable amount, I thought. So I created a new email specifically for my vlogging, filmed my first video, tried editing, gave up, got drunk, and went on a Youtube binge. Partially because I was drunk, partially because I am still thinking of what I should do in my vlog. 

After 40 or so videos, my 60% went down to 20%. 

Seriously though, its not a good feeling. I know I am not the most talented person in the world, nor the most interesting. I have always thought that my personality and humor is my strongest asset. It turns out, I am as ordinary and average as the next person. If anything, I'm glad I didn't join X Factor. Just looking at the mirror is enough for me to know and understand that I don't have it. And it makes me really, really sad.


What puts the icing in the cake is the feeling that I'm not anyone's favorite person. Like for once in my life, I want someone to be someone's priority. I know that I have found comfort in being alone, and I'm beginning to be okay with the idea that I really might be alone forevs. But yeah, I'd want to feel wanted once in a while. 

Which brings us to part three of this already-becoming-boring blog post. This chapter is called: WHAT NOW?

I don't know. Maybe i'll just cancel my plans of doing a vlog like every other plans I had to express my passion and art (did somebody mention aRt!?). Maybe i'll wake up tomorrow feeling a bit better and start filming. I really don't know.

What I know is that I'm average, I'm not special, I'm not interesting, and I'm not a priority. So I will just keep on capitalizing my I's so that somehow, I will feel good about myself. 

If anyone is feeling the same, tagay ta!?

PS


I told you its not a pep talk. 


Cheers,


















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19.4.19

Eerie: E for Effort

I am a fan of horror movies. Who isn't really? And the Philippine cinema has had its fair share of scream-worthy horror thrillers such as Sukob, Aswang (the Maricel Soriano one), and Feng Shui (the first one). I know that was just three movies and that's because I was lying when I said we've had our fair share of scream-worthy horrors. Our cinema's repertoire when it comes to this genre is a horror story on its own.

On this essay, I will tell you all the reasons why Eerie, a Star Cinema horror movie starring Bea Alonzo and Charo Santos, is such a poor attempt at revitalizing this well-loved movie genre. 


Let me start by summarizing what Eerie is all about:

The movie tells the story of Miss Pat (Bea Alonzo). A guidance counselor tasked to help the troubled students of Sta Lucia. Like any other school, Sta. Lucia is haunted by the ghost of the past which is causing quite a stir. Also adding to the already gloomy air of the school is Sor Alice (Charo Santos), the school's mother superior. When a student was found dead one morning, Miss Pat goes beyond her job description to uncover the truth. Even if it means that she must butt heads with forces such a Sor. Alice

Now let's talk about what Eerie is not:

1. Eerie is poorly acted. 

One would expect that acting giants such as Bea Alonzo, Charo Santos, and Jake Cuenca will truly shine in this film. To say that I am disappointed will be a colossal understatement. Bea Alonzo has garnered a reputation (and rightfully so) when it comes to acting. But here subdued, one-dimensional portrayal of an earnest guidance counselor is but a shadow of the plethora of other movie characters she had successfully portrayed. 

I was never a fan of Jake Cuenca. There is something about his demeanor that puts me off. Maybe because I feel like he takes himself way too seriously, or it's just me. Despite my personal opinion about him, I think Jake Cuenca is a good actor. And I think that his acting acumen was underused in this movie. The last few minutes of his character in the movie could have been a spectacle of his acting prowess. But I guess the director had other things in mind (like his weak attempt of a resolution)

Charo Santos is a legend, but in all honesty though, aside from her weekly letter reading at MMK and her Lav Diaz collaboration, I am not familiar with her work. One would expect that a domineering character such as Sor Alice will be played accurately by a powerful woman such as Charo Santos. Who, in her interviews for the movie, showed exceptional command. But every time she delivers her line, I find myself waiting for the screen to fade in and fade out, giving way to the week's letter sender.

Other characters were also underutilized and unnecessary.

2. Eerie is tiring.

Halfway through, I already felt the exhaustion of paying attention. Granted that my attention span is really short, I offered my full attention and it sucks that the movie did nothing to keep it. What makes it even sadder is how the story will just take a sudden, unexplained left turn to nowhere without establishing the previous route. But the saddest fact of them all is how the movie ended. The directors attempt to resolve the conflict was poorly done. His effort for a cliffhanger was poorly done. The ending made no sense.

3. Eerie missed a lot of opportunities.

I don't think horror movies should be limited to just the paranormal, metaphysical, and monsters. After all, the real monsters in this world are humans. And I almost thought that the director and I shared the same sentiments.  It would have been okay (to me, at least) if Sor Alice turned out to be the antagonist. Her iron fist rule on the school is believable and realistic. The movie could have advocated against corporal punishment (at school at least) along the way. It could have worked out that way. But no, the movie just had to include ghosts and make them liable for everything. Because horror movies work that way.

Eerie also had the opportunity to explore and expound self-harm and suicide. It could have been given a better context and a more thoughtful explanation that is both sensitive and educational. But its just part of the story and the characters back story so she could empathize with one of the characters. And that was it.

Eerie also had the opportunity to tackle school governance, fervent worshipping, and building maintenance. But no, it had to be about ghosts because it was a horror movie and horror movies do not deserve to have substance.

Eerie gets a boot from Raven
Last but not the last, Eerie should have been retitled to CR, because that is where most of the scenes were. We just had to go back to the CR every other frame because it's a horror movie. And horror movies love comfort rooms. 

I just had to come out of blogging retirement to write about this. I also had the reactivate my Facebook to let the world know about how I felt about this movie. I'm important like that.

If you have P200+ to spare and 1 hour and 41 minutes to waste, then watch this movie. If you'd rather watch the newest episode of RuPaul's Drag Race that Netflix uploads way too late that I already accidentally saw what happened, we should be friends. 

That's all.







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