Ocean Eyes: Of Love and Hate

I've been watchin' you for some time
Can't stop starin' at those ocean eyes
Burning cities and napalm skies
Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes
Your ocean eyes

I don't know how to start. Quite frankly, I don't think it is even a good idea to write about this, about you. One, because it will immortalize (albeit, only in this safe space I still call a blog) the fact that I am, without a single grain of doubt, in love with you. Two, who am I kidding? No matter how much I write about you and how I feel about you, the us I have been dreaming of will never happen. No matter how hard I write, how many words I use, nothing will change. One thing's certain though, I haven't stopped thinking about you. The fact that we have not seen each other for a very long time, and yet you still have this hold on me is really telling. It's very telling of how stupid I am for being in this position again, for the nth time. And yet, I cannot stop. I am falling deeper and deeper, and instead of swimming against your current to get some air, I do the opposite: I bask in the depths of this unrequited love like it's not hurting me every damn time. 

I've been walkin' through a world gone blind
Can't stop thinkin' of your diamond mind
Careful creature made friends with time
He left her lonely with a diamond mind
And those ocean eyes

I still have two paragraphs to fill but I am now running out of words to really describe how I feel. I mean how do you expand the premise of unrequited love? It's self-explanatory, right? It should be and I should be able to understand and accept the fact that no matter how strong and abnormal and deep these fucking feels I have for you, it will never be returned (or could it?). But the fact that I am writing about this despite knowing what I know is a justification that I am stupid. I did try to stop. But in the middle of this fucking pandemic, I thought that you might need someone. I thought that maybe it's getting into you in the most sinister of ways and I'd hate it if I did nothing. So I reached out, made sure you are doing okay, and assured you that I am here. Always. Look where it got me. Part of me is happy that I feel this way and I am going through this because at least I know I still feel things. Part of me is also pissed of because of all the ways the universe has to prove the existence of my still functioning heart, it is in the form of hurt. I'd still take it, though. I'd still choose you. Masochist, yes. Stupid, without a doubt. Self-destructive and painful, one hundred percent. But it's you. I will always choose you.

No fair
You really know how to make me cry
When you gimme those ocean eyes
I'm scared
I've never fallen from quite this high
Fallin' into your ocean eyes
Those ocean eyes

Sometimes, I feel daring and brave enough to tell you. Like, we should be in this mess together, right? And then I have to remind myself immediately before I do anything stupid that I have more to lose in this single-player battle. So, allow me just this instance to tell you this with so much love and a bit of hate: Fuck you. But also, please take care. I know I say this often, but don't you dare forget that I am always here for you. You're the only contact in my Messenger that I don't leave on read or unreplied. I just can't do it to you despite what you have been putting me through (unknowingly, but still). I hope you're always well and happy. Take care.


This is pure fiction. I just thought of writing something because I have a new domain. I was not able to renew my old one because it took me a while to decide whether I want to continue doing this. Does this mean I will take blogging more seriously? No. It just so happen that I had enough money and I was drunk so I bought a new domain lol. Seriously though, I feel a tinge of happiness to be writing again, work of fiction or not. I know nobody visits this site, but in case you do. Thanks!

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Which Pinoy BL Did It For Me?

Nobody asked for my opinion but I'm gonna give it anyway.

Welcome to my TedTalk. Today we will be discussing two of the most popular Pinoy BL series and who did it the best.

I am doing this because I am drunk and I have things to say.

I am not, in any way, promoting one over the other. Everyone should see both because this is such a milestone for the community. I mean the Philippines is SO conservative when it comes to subjects like this (I'm sorry this is such a funny statement). So it is such a celebration that we are now producing content like these. Let's begin


This is where I have a problem deciding who told the better story.

The premise of Hello Stranger is the more plausible between the two because 1. it was a school setting during the pandemic and it makes sense 2. while the premise of Gameboy could happen, I have a problem with answering the phone or video call from a stranger. I know the latter was personal but this is also my list so yeah.

Good, so if I like the premise of Hello Stranger better, it should be the choice and clear winner, right? Of course not, I wouldn't be this big of a mess if I make a choice that simply.

One of the problems I have with Hello Stranger is development; both stories and characters. This is such a shame because the chemistry between the 2 leads was so thick and viscous oh my gosh!

Maybe its the storytelling? I don't know I don't make good life choices.

Also, while the premise is plausible, the entire story isn't. It is such a trope that the hot varsity falls in love with the geek. It's a story told in all ways possible. Effective, but overdone. The straights love it, the gays love it. Everybody loves it, except me.

So for me, Gameboys is still the clear winner given how they took a questionable premise to a wonderful story. Whereas, Hello Stranger failed to elevate a strong premise and instead, told an already telled story.


Come on, let's be real. Pearl alone can chokeslam the entire cast of Hello Stranger and still be funny after. That is how strong Gameboys' supporting cast is.

For the leads, its neck and neck to be honest. The chemistry for both leads is so undeniable. It's thick, viscous, and super slimy that I couldn't get it off until now, I always go by on my own. I never really cared until I met you.

So for the leads, they both did it for me. But if we're to include the entire cast, Gameboys is miles ahead. Like miles, Aubrey Miles.


I'm giving points to Paris, Cairo, and London names. Like that is so fucking creative.


Same with characters, Gameboys overall is the better acted between the two. But I have one big problem:


I don't mean to be political but yeah. It's about time that the community gets the representation it deserves.

And again, Pearl can chokeslam the entire Hello Stranger cast. Leila (Cai's mom) can 619 the hell out of the Hello Strangers cast. And Terrence and Wesley can do whatever they want because they are such a cutiepatootie.


Let me start by saying that this pandemic is a challenge on its own.

That said, I think that Gameboys is better produced than Hello Stranger. Which is a surprise given how the latter is backed by ABSCBN.

And John F Kennedy, the songs and the soundtrack alone can chokeslam the entirety of Hello Stranger.

So yeah. I'm using a lot of chokeslams because I lowkey want/need a good choking right now. I dunno maybe Chao Fan or a Chrispy Chicken Lauriat.

PS (pawnshop)

I wrote this drunk yesterday. I am also drunk today but I'm not the same person I was yesterday. I was not born with that consistency.

PSS ( Palawan Pawnshop )

Because I was not the same drunk person I was yesterday, I just can't continue the thought process. I thought of adding more to this but I just don't have the ability to can.




I wrote this in the midst of inebriation last month. While I am certainly not sober now, I think I have better grasp of my thoughts now and than when I wrote this. I just want to say again that I dont mean to pit the series against each other. I am simply writing down my observations. Like I said in the beginning, both series are worth the watch. I enjoyed both of them but of course, I enjoyed Gameboys better. Also, this is such a huge step for the Philippine media to produce content centered around the LGBTQ++ community. Gone are the days that gay people are used just to get a laugh, or a token bestfriend. We are now taking centerstage. While I feel like we have more to conquer (casting being one), I am nonetheless proud and thankful to the people behind both productions. Thank you so much.
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The Half Of It: We Were All Teenagers Once

Hi guys! Let's not forget and celebrate the fact that I just wrote yesterday and I wrote something again! Like a lumpia, I'm on a roll!

Today we will be discussing the new Netflix movie, The Half of It, which boasts another Asian lead and a slight touch of girl-on-girl love. I was really having a hard time writing about it because I was debating with myself as to whether I like it or not. In the end, please read the entire post to know about the end. Lol.

The movie left me really confused. I was ready to write about it so negatively because of how I felt after watching it. Yes, kudos to Netflix for really spending a lot to make their content diverse and inclusive, but that didn't stop me from feeling my feelings. I was ready to write down my review but decided to puff a quick smoke just to collect my thoughts and also think of high falluting falutin words to include in my review. 

While smoking I started recollecting all the stupid things I did when I was in high school. How I such an angsty, angry, albeit law-abiding, teenager. And then I realized why I didn't like the movie; because I am old and I know better now (still subject for debate but). Also, I realized that Netflix is not creating content for the sole purpose of my entertainment (I wish they do), but for everyone. And that is ultimately what diversity and inclusivity are all about.

The Half of It is about Ellie, Paul, and Aster and their bizarre love triangle. Truth be told, knowing what I know now (I keep saying this like I know a lot but I really don't) I'd call this movie a glorified catfishing, but make it retro. Retro because writing letters and texting is such a forgotten form of communication (texting maybe not so much but still underused). Anyway, so the story goes like this: Paul likes Aster so he asked Ellie to help him write letters. Throughout the process, Ellie also falls in love with Aster, and then Paul realized that he's in love with Ellie. So high school, right?

The plot actually reminds of Sierra Burgess Is a Loser which also about someone pretending to be someone else. Which again, in today's term is catfishing, and it's not okay. But part of me understands the need to pretend because who was not pretentious in high school? Give me the name of someone that was so sure of who they are during high school. I mean, I'm not even sure who I am and I'm in my late twenties. 

I know it doesn't justify the means, but come on! We've all been to high school and we know how stupid our thought process was back then. I wanted to run away because we didn't have a water connection and my Aunt kept asking me to fetch water. I was very serious, I packed clothes and I was crying talking to my Mom on the phone telling her about my plan. Now tell me, is that smart? Is that mature? Right.

What hits close to home is seeing how Ellie falls in love with Aster letter after letter. It was a familiar feeling that I wish to feel again. Its a process not always shown in mainstream media which is weird because it is exactly how straight people fall in love. I wish to see it more often so that more people could see and understand that falling in love with the same sex is totally the same as how everyone else falls in love. 

The music is good, the performances were good too. It's smart with tons of references. It's funny enough to warrant some laugh (Trig is such a character). There might some questionable happenings in the movie but overall, it is a fine film. So if ever you're in the mood to reminisce high school love, this might be the film for you. 

Stream The Half of It on Netflix!


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