I don't know whats been happening lately, it's been a roller coaster. I would like to believe that I am doing awesome in terms of career, my social life is doing okay and life at home is a nightmare. My love life is as stagnant as ever. I have few new crushes, which by definition are the people I can never be with. They don't even know I exist. But I never learn, do I?
It's been bothering me though. Like I would have this crush but I know I could never be with them, but I would imagine my life with them either way and within two hours we would be married and after a day we are walking along the white sands of a beach somewhere romantic. And by the time I need to sleep I would be totally depressed that I can't sleep. The next day I will regret everything, but I will see my crush again, and I would go back to daydreaming but with a different plot with a different setting, and by the time the moon smiles at me, I would be more depressed that I was that I would curse at the moon and would try my best to punch it.
The next day, I would be totally aloof and anti-social. I will hate everything and everyone the moment I step out of my room. I will hate the water for being too cold. I will hate my pants for reminding me that I am gaining weight. I will hate the jeepney driver for driving the way he is supposed to. I will hate the commuters for acting the way commuters act. I will hate my colleagues for asking too many questions like we are in a quiz bee. I will hate my crush for existing. I will hate myself for hating everyone. Then after my first cup of brewed and bitter coffee from McDo I am back to my usual funny self. I will be brutally sarcastic but funny. I will give that menacing look that means I am thinking of few hundred ways to kill you while smiling. I will blurt out puns which a quarter of the population would not understand. I will eat like a dinosaur and probably eat more that the dinosaur would fail in comparison. But before the day ends, I will sulk again that my face looks like I just lost a billion dollars in a non-existing bet. And by the time I hit the bed, I am thinking of killing myself. Ain't that grand!
But then I will think of my Mom, all the food that I still need to try, all the places I need to visit, all the people I need to kill and all my crushes that I need to be in bed with and Voila! I am fine. The effin cycle is so tiring, fun, but tiring. As of the moment I am ignoring crush but damn! It's fucking hard. Instead, I am devouring all the good brownies in my job's pantry. Hence my clothes are close to not fitting me anymore. I know I am rambling but ask me first if I care about your feelings. I am using pictures from The Fault in Our Stars, which probably means that I am in my worst state. Or I am over acting.
Anyway, thank you for painfully reading. I know by now you might be a little elusive and will try to run and hide when I am within 100 meters of your personal space, but please ask me first if you're existence is essential to my happiness. I think I will be like this until....