How To Be A Good Son

I think I just made my Mom cry again.

Of all the bad things in the world that a human can do, making my Mom cry is something that I wouldn't dare do. But, because I live a funny life, where humor actually hurts, I always end up doing so. You know that notion where people think that if you are a son or a daughter of an OFW, it is always expected that you are smart and has the most impeccable manner? Well, being a son of an amazing OFW, I think I feel alienated as I don't fit to either the smart or the well-mannered.

What made my Mom cry today is something I wouldn't share on the amazing world if the Internet. But she has all the rights to do so. Sometimes, I feel ashamed of all the things, bad things I've done and how it affects my Mom. All though out my life, I always try to be strong and be good. You see, I live among relatives, and more often than not, I always end up humiliating her.

Do  mean all that? I really don't know. I have this certain thing going on with me, I feel sad out of nowhere. Not the typical kind of sad that you just lay down o your bed and play a happy song and you'll be alright. Certainly not the kid of sadness that goes away when you cry. My type of sadness is that I have to go out of the house because I feel suffocated. It will start with a sad thought, followed by sobs, and then I will cry, and I will cry longer than expected. When I don't crying can solve it, I go out and enjoy myself. Sometimes in expense of some others things.

Truth is, I really don't know why I'm like this. My friends say that I just want my Mom's attention and I want her back here in the Philippines. Some say I'm just a having a phase. I really don't know. One thing is clear to me, I made Mom cry again and I feel like shit for causing it.

I'm sorry Mom, I really am.

1 comment:

  1. just be yourself and do whatever you think can make your mom happy. we are not perfect so sometimes we can do bad that makes our mom cries, but hey, you could always amend.