Troubled Letters||Of Friendships

My name is irrelevant, you wouldn't know who I am. Even if I give you my name, I don't think that's gonna help with what I am feeling right now.

But for formality's sake, call me Ran, 18 and lonely.

I don't know why. I was looking for some words of encouragement to lift up my sullen spirit when I found your blog. Next thing I knew, I am reading your post, poems, stories and rants. Though some of them sounds too suicidal, and did little to provide the encouragement I was looking for, I kind of liked it. I don't know if you will even post my email here, nor would you care to answer it. I really don't care. I just want to get it all out, hoping that it would make a difference. 


I have a lot of friends Gene, and I would like to think that I am likable. I have friends from all walks of life. Yet, with all their numbers, I still feel so alone. 

There those who promised to be there, always. That we would be at my side whenever I need. Friends who are fun to be with. Yet, days, weeks and months passes by without a single hi or hello. The irony of it all is that we are surrounded by these so called social networking sites. It makes me question whether they are really 'social'. 

I'm a good friend Gene, I am always one text away. Sure, there are circumstances that I might decline, or I can't. But most of the time, I am there. There are those who will say they miss me, that we should hang out again sometimes. But they wont even contact me!

There are those whose only fun when you treat them, and will not even acknowledge your existence when there's no money to spend. 

I badly need some company. But I don't want to be a bother. I want them to be with me because they want to, not because they pity me. I want them to be with me because they want to, not because they have to. 

I love my friends Gene, so much. I consider them family. But sad to say, I can't feel them loving me back. I just don't feel like they are willing to give as much as I can. And its sad.

That's all of it I guess. I don't wanna bother you too much, but thanks regardless if you answer me or not. I hope you won't experience the same thing Gene, because it really is lonely.

Ran.

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Hi Ran!

I don't know what you had for lunch that made you email me, but thank you for doing it. I don't know if I am the right person to ask for an advice since I am not really emotionally, mentally and psychologically stable myself, but i'll try.

I guess it's normal that you feel that way. I have experienced (I still do actually) that as well. I have lost a lot of friends and I regret it every time I do. 

The thing about me is that I enjoy company as much as I enjoy being alone. But in all honesty, nothing feels better than having someone to talk to. 

From what I read it, I think you need to reach out more. I know that you wouldn't want to be a bother, I mean who wants to be? But if they really consider you as a friend, they wouldn't even think of it that much. Whether they want to or they feel that they have to, what matters is that they were there. And please, don't question their motives with why they like to be with you. I've been there and trust me, it will consume you. Of course, be mindful of leechers and users as they are everywhere, and they are actually good at what they do. I'm sure you can spot them if you would be very vigilant. 

Last thing, learn to live on  your own. I mean, don't depend on people too much, especially when it comes to your happiness. It might seem harsh, but no friend would be willing enough to sacrifice their own happiness for yours. No one can be that selfless. Sure, there may be a few, but as much as possible be independent enough. 

I hope I was able to help you Ran. I have summoned all the wisdom I could to come up with a reply. My diagnosis and prescriptions are not backed up by any scientific study, just my 21 years of existence. 

Have a good day Ran, and remember, it will get better. It always do.