5 Reasons Why I Don't Go To The Mall

Yes, I hit rock bottom. My desperation gave me no choice but to date a mall.

Olding aside, have you ever had that feeling towards malls? I'm not talking about dating them silly. I mean there are days you love them, there are moments you hate it. There are times that you crave for it, there are days you are disgusted with just the thought of being close to it. No, not your ex. I am talking about malls here. Please focus. 

Anyway, I thought of making a list of the reasons why I find malls complicated. I'm doing this because you're a fan of me and I inspire you. You will read this because it's essential to your existence. 

1. It's crowded

Yes, sometimes I feel so entitled that I wish malls are not littered with so much person. Imagine going to the mall without a single soul. The bliss, the quiet, the peace you'll feel while window shopping. Now you don't have to eat your food so fast because of a loud group of person. Or shop in peace without hearing a single complain from another entitled shopper. Or watch your most anticipated movie without hearing a small person crying, or some random person chewing. Imagine prancing your way to the next boutique while singing 'The Hills Are Alive' without being judged. It's free to dream, ain't it? I mean Binay thought he can be president, so what's stopping you from dreaming just as big?

2. Jejs and OOTDers

I am in my most comfortable in a #tatteredshirt, #centuryoldboxers, and #nounderwear. Nothing is more relaxing than just feeling the air on certain parts of the skin. Yeah, sometimes I exert a little effort and decency, but only if I have to go to work. But if I really have to go to the mall, I would probably in a simple #t-shirt, #cargoshorts, and #Islanderslippers. But some people take it to #anotherlevel. I'm not judging them. Maybe partly. But sometimes I feel intimidated by their looks. The Jejs think their awesome, the OOTDers think their fierce. Then there's me.

3. Couples For Malls

I get it, you're happy. Don't rub it in my face. I swear, if The Purge do exist, I'd push couples PDA-ing on the escalator. I'd throw my sizzling plate to the couple sitting on the next table. I'd let the kissing couple taste the sole of my shoes. And the couple walking in front of, with their arms wrapped around each other, I would let them bathe in Mighty Bond. Inseparable my ass. I mean, how is it even possible? How are they able to walk in that position? How? *sips Ampalaya Shake with Ampalaya Pulp Bit*

4. The Game Of Thrones

Too much people but not enough chairs to sit on. Must I call Dracarys to get the next available spot to sit? Seriously. If you don't plan on going to a resto then it's a death march for your feet. And if however, you found a place to sit, it's either occupied by the Jejs, the OOTDers, or the Couples for Malls. Now I'm seriously considering bringing my own dragon. Please understand, I carry so much weight, figuratively and literally.

5. So Many Things To Buy, So Little Money

Ultimately, I don't go the mall because I have no money. It's a constant battle trying not to buy a shirt, or a pants, or a pair of shoes, or an entire outfit. I can try to play blind and pretend I don't see anything. But you know very well, judging from your relationship, that it takes a lot of effort to do. And in the end you will just end up hurting yourself. There are times I feel like I deserve more, so I buy something. Only to regret it once I get home and see the multitude of paper bags I have. Then comes self loathing, recognising the monster I have become. 

So there, five reasons why I don't go to the mall unless it's a necessity. It takes a lot before I convince myself that I need to leave my room and go a mall. I love the four corners of my room. It's quiet. And I can cry in silence.

I cry liek thiz